Now that I’m doing Twitch streaming (inspired by my still not released Chinese Memefacturing post T_T), I’ve been working a bit more on my online presence. In the process, I went back and fixed a lot of old picture links on the blog, which led me to quickly skim through all of my old posts.
Looking at those old posts, the thing that really struck me was all of these contradictions. I feel like I’ve posted a lot, even though I know that my posting patterns were fairly infrequent. I feel like I’m a lot more of a bitter, burnt out person now and that I was a much more excitable person when I started litchin@; however, the questions that I had then are still the questions I have now.
I’m not sure what to think of it. I could take Whitman’s approach of “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes,” but that seems way too snarky.
Four years later, the main difference that I see coming out of undergrad is being able to evaluate what I experienced then with the cumulative knowledge that I have now (which was gained from those experiences). The one thing that I am definitely blown away by those previous posts is just how much I was able to do. I wandered around MIT and Cambridge, went on road trips by myself, and without prompting, wrote down my experiences for who knows why.
I’m very glad that I migrated most of the posts to this blog. It feels a lot more permanent than the mailing list and makes it easier to process old posts, although I am saddened by the smaller community. The most views that I get are for the one post where I critique a different blog entirely. Regardless, I’m glad that there is a record that is not just a few people’s inboxes – although this may be the compulsive librarian / archivist / pack rat within me, unwilling to give up even a shred of information.
Moving posts to the blog also helped me recognize greater patterns in writing. There definitely has been a trend of less longform posts and less Observes, and more aggregation / compilation. I think it’s a general trend of doing less exploring and doing more analysis, less frequent posts, and whiny poetry. Part of this is driven by time constraints – listing things out is a TON easier than making a coherent longform post – but also because I’m a bit more familiar with my surroundings and have mapped it out more so I can dig a little deeper into specific topics. It’s also a metaphor for undergrad -> graduate school, right? I’ve got my research interests figured out now and can spend less time derping around in general classes.
I do miss that general exploration attitude, and even though I have many Observe posts queued up, they’ve been left for so long that really they’re an aggregation post now. So, even the old forms of media packaging is being converted into this new method of doing things.
I could take some stress off of myself by accepting the fact that styles change, interests change, and I change, and it’s ok that I don’t cover anything that I want to. But there is still some inherent contrary element within me who is reluctant to do so – probably the same perverse element that leads me to skip meals and write long insomnia-fueled rambles such as this. We’ll see how it goes.